A letter to GodDear God,
My name is Michelle Pammenter Young, oh now wait, you know me. As a matter of fact you have been very busy with me lately. For after all, the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Yes, you have certainly given to me, you gave me a life threatening (if not terminal) cancer and you took away my brother and my mother. To quote the bible (and I don't think I've ever quoted the bible before;
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, andhe will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
So, were my cancer and the deaths of my family members temptations from you, God? If so, I didn't see the "I do not accept" button. No where was I given a choice over this. And before those of you reading this say that my lifestyle (the things I ate and didn't eat, the stress I had or didn't have, the wine I drank and the off and on exercise I did) are what gave me my cancer, I suggest you read this post The Beginning, it will throw that line of thinking out the window. So understanding this, let's look at the second part of that quote. God you said you will also provide a way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
I don't know about others, but what is the point of you, God throwing these three life changing events at me? I wasn't living a bad life, I wasn't even wasting my life by living a mediocre life. I knew very well the value of life and was making sure I truly appreciated and enjoyed it.
So why did you, God need to do this? Was it, as you say, to provide me a way of escape that I didn't know about. In other words, to show me a skill I had that I wasn't utilizing and therefore I wasn't living to my true potential? Or were you trying to focus my attention on a area of my life that perhaps needed nurturing? If so, I've missed that lesson. Yes, I have been slowed down for quite a while since getting sick, but I'm going back to work now, so if that was a lesson to learn, then it was a temporary one at best. When I work, I work hard and I tunnel vision and I work to please my customers, to do what is right for them, no matter the work needed. It is in my nature, you must know that God, it is also in my nature to do my best and to achieve recognition for that, so lesson 1 (if that was a lesson or tool that I needed to know) to slow down, worked for a while, I doubt it will continue.
The way of escape or second "skill" that has come out of this is that I dug up my long lost desire to write. I do appreciate this gift and am sorry that I had let it disappear as the years went by. It has without a shadow of a doubt allowed me to get through some pretty ugly, dark days in the last 16 months. So, thank you God for that. I do have two comments on that (of course I would), did you really need to give me IBC and take my brother and my dear mother from my life all within a few months of each other in order for me to learn to write again? I mean seriously wasn't there a better option? A bad illness, a short-term disorder that took away my ability to speak so I had to write? I can think of a few.
However, that's water under the bridge, now that you have re-kindled that flame I have a question for you. Remember, you also asked me to slow down, so if you've shown me my gift, wouldn't it make the best sense for that gift to become my way of earning a living so that I don't have to go back into the fast paced, high stress business world (as much as I loved it)? I think that if that was your way, God, of providing an escape so I could endure the hardship, and one that you wanted me to know so much that it must now become a part of the fabric of my life.
So of course as will all humans, here is my prayer or my ask of you God. I ask that you in your infinite wisdom connect me with those who can assist me to become the new person I am working so hard towards. These are the things I can offer
- An ability to help others who are going through a hardship by showing them some wonderful ways to get back their love and their faith
- An ability to show those (not only cancer sufferers) who are looking for more in life how to achieve it while still protecting the important things (like their family)
- An ability to earn a good living while living a full life, a life they truly want as defined by them
- A continually running Warrior Bag gift program as a way to pay-it-forward to thank all those who helped me during my illness
- My "The Year I Died" published book which is already helping many people pull themselves out of a dire, depressing situation
- My published book, "The Cancer Warrior" handbook which is donated to each of my Warrior Bags, and is also for sale to other not in my community who need a little help for themselves of their loved ones.
|My Beautiful Mother|
I should probably be writing this letter to Ellen, Oprah or even perhaps Donald Trump, but I still think even putting the three together that God, you have more pull.
So there it is, you've heard me (at least a small portion of what I have to say)